Be gentle with the mom of a wild child: she’s trying more than you know

You know that kid in the store yelling, running, or climbing that made you think “my kid would never do that because I’d have better control over him” or made you think “that mom obviously doesn’t discipline”? 

Thats my kid. The wild child. The child who laughs at the word “no”. Who does things anyway even when he’s asked (or told) not to 3 different times. Who has sat in 8 million time outs (or is the new trend “time in”??) in his lifetime. The child who tunes me out and runs away laughing more than he actually listens and cooperates. The child who is LOUD and screeches and who’s volume seems to always be 100% and doesn’t have an inside voice. 

And I’m his mom. I see the judgmental looks from strangers and even family members. The mom that has read every parenting book. ‘How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen”? Yep, read it twice. ‘Whole Brained Child’? I probably have it memorized. I think I know more about child and toddler development and behavior than the people who wrote the books because of all the reading and research I’ve done. I’ve tried every method of communication and discipline.
 
And don’t get me wrong, sometimes it does work! Sometimes I get through to him. Sometimes we have really great days and I feel like supermom. 

But guess when you see me and take notice? On the not-so-good days. The times at the grocery store where I’m scrambling around just to keep him from breaking something all while holding onto my shopping cart and wallet, sweating and flustered.  And when I have to leave story time at the library because not only did he not want to sit for story time but he caused a scene at the craft table so we both leave in tears. 

He’s wild. I know that. He’s strong willed. I tell myself that will be a good thing one day. His listening skills need work, I know that very well. It seems like I have no control over him or the situation and I’m just hopeless and a bad mom. Thats partly true. 

But I want you to know: I’m trying more than you know. I am trying so hard. Probably more than the average mom. I am always thinking and trying new ways to communicate with him and teach him. I’m always reading about different ways to get through to him or creative ways to interact with him to diffuse situations.
 
And you know what else? I’m ALWAYS feeling guilt and shame and second guessing my actions. Every night after he’s asleep I ask myself was I too hard on him? Did I take out my frustration on him at times? I also leave places embarrassed. Even grandparents houses. Thinking do they think I’m an awful mom? Are we awful parents? Did he just annoy everyone there and are they thinking “wow he’s going to be such a bad kid”? I’m not kidding when I say that. These are worries that go through my mind. 

Because I KNOW I have a wild child. I know that compared to other kids he’s a bit.. unruly. 
But he’s also the sweetest boy ever. He cuddles me multiple times a day. He picks up on my every emotion and asks me multiple times a day “what’s wrong mommy?” if he senses I may be upset or annoyed. He loves to help out and loves to feel wanted and useful. He’s so smart and knows more about farm and construction equipment than I do. He loves to cuddle and read books with his daddy every night. And at bed time we say his prayers and he goes through the list of every friend and family member he can think of. 

So even when I’m at the park dragging my screaming child out to the parking lot because he didn’t want to leave even after my “5 minute warning” every book suggested- I’m trying. I’m always trying. And more than anything I could use encouragement and kindness and not judgement.
 
So be gentle. You truly don’t know everyone’s story and my wild, strong-willed child is just a part of mine. And I’m trying more than you know.